The results of too much Sugar in ones system
by green smurf
Summary: Rated because its probably not safe for children to read such insane humor as it may warp them for life, also has some strong language in it. Oh well ENJOY, *COMPLETE* one shot.(unlike the coffee I was drinkning at the time)


The results of too much sugar in one's system  
  
Okay Basically this is my pathetic attempt at writing humour, feel free to flame all you want and please excuse my grammar, I'm doing this without a beta, so yeh it may be as bad as my humour. Anyhow please read the fic despite this and enjoy. ^_^ Green.  
  
Disclaimer: Yes people it all belongs to me, this is the great JK Rowling, why do you think it took so long to get book 5 out? It was because I was writing this bullshit. Ok people if you believed that then I have a straight jacket I'm willing to lend to you, cuz you obviously need one.  
  
~o0o~  
  
The students walking the halls quickly got out of the way as they saw him running determinedly toward the transfiguration classrooms. Severus Snape wasn't a man to mess with at the best of times, and certainly not one to mess with when he was moving like that down the hall.  
  
He entered the room and grabbed the occupant by the waist, whirling her around to face him. "It's gone!!" He announced The women in his arms looked at him in surprise and confusion "What's gone?" She replied He pulled up the sleave of his robe to present a pale white and unblemished arm. Realisation dawned on the other professor's face; his dark mark no longer remained. She squealed gleefully and kissed him firmly on the lips.  
  
*Author ducks as the readers start throwing things at her; comments are heard from across the net as people complain about old people sex and McGonagall and Snape ships being wrong. Then the sometimes-blonde author realises her mistake in starting in the wrong place and decides to go back to the beginning*  
  
Alright now let us try again; "we'll start at the very beginning, a very good place to start"  
  
*Reaches for remote and turns off the bloody Sound of Music video *  
  
~o0o~  
  
It had started months ago, Hermione Granger had instigated the whole thing and he couldn't exactly say he was happy about it to start with. The insufferable know it all had come back to Hogwarts, no she wasn't content to have spent the last 7 years tormenting him, she had to come back and take over McGonagall's post as Transfiguration teacher,  
  
*OH! Exclaim all the readers, if there are any, as they realise that it wasn't scoaty old people sex, but scoatly Hermione and Snape making out:~ Wait that's just as bad, the few people left reading run away in horror *  
  
oh well, Green Smurf refuses to be discouraged because excessive amounts of coffee do these things and carries on writing.  
  
So yes, Hermione Granger the insufferable brain box had come back to Hogwarts  
  
"Hey! I am not an insufferable brain box!!"  
  
Opps it seems the Hermione is reading this over my shoulder, Author quickly apologizes and removes the sentence, only to add it again when she's not looking, teehee * Insert author with evil smirk*  
  
McGonagall it seemed had had enough of snivelly nosed students and decided to retire, thus leaving a position available to Hermione to teach.  
  
If only Snape could have taken the same leave, however it seemed that when you made a contract with people like Albus Dumbledore that it was rather hard to get out of it. Stupid rules, they really made life no fun.  
  
So time carried on anyhow, as it will, and Hermione settled into her job and Snape grew to find her more and more annoying.  
  
Hermione couldn't really stand the man either, it wasn't fair, or it didn't seem so to her, that a man could look so incredibly sexy yet be such an fucking prick  
  
Snape ,reading this over the author's shoulder, feels rather elated for a moment at being called sexy, then reads the rest of the sentence, and storms out of the room. Oh well, not likes he's needed right now anyway.  
  
Then Albus Dumbledore had come along. Nobody could quite work out what it was with that man, he seemed to like playing match maker far to much, it was unnatural  
  
* Much like my hair colour*  
  
But it seemed that he thought Hermione and Snape's bickering was something to do with unrequited love, and so had set about trying to set the two of them up.  
  
To do this he had blatantly plagiarized Shakespeare's' 'Much Ado About Nothing' and had enlisted the help of a few of the other professors (And Ron who was repeating 5th year for the 10th time because he was so stupid) help  
  
Sorry, I just don't like Ron that much, he's too snivelly.  
  
Now for those of you who do not appreciate the fine works of Willy  
  
(who's probably spinning in his grave right now at the thought of me using anything of his in my current mood)  
  
Much Ado About Nothing is a hilarious play that's plot involves everybody coming together to set two of the characters up~ Beatrice and Benedick, they do this by always commenting on how much the other in love with one whenever that one is around. It's all to do with reverse psychology and appealing to peoples over inflated egos.  
  
So the plan was put into action, it seemed that no matter where Hermione went, all she heard was how Snape found her rather attractive, so much so that he had fallen in love with her and was now trying to find ways to her sexy body entwined with his own rather hot self.  
  
And wherever Snape went he heard rather the same thing. All about how damn fine his body was and how Hermione would have no qualms about with him teaching her a thing or two. (if you catch my drift.)  
  
Needless to say, just as it had for Beatrice and Benedick, the pair soon found them selves together.  
  
Hermione had being stalking down the halls, as had Snape, when they ran smack into each other. Things progressed from there.  
  
*Sorry I had to add the terribly, terribly cliché thing of them bumping into each other, without it the whole romantic genre just doesn't work *  
  
So the chaos of the unlikely pairs relationship in sued  
  
(I'm not entirely sure what in sued means, its meant to mean started)  
  
They could readily be found making out in closets or simply in the hallways, due to the fact Snape rather liked shocking and embarrassing students when they came across the pair.  
  
*Yes this has no plot as I've just been told but keep reading* Although the couple were happily making out left right and centre, plus anywhere else they could think of, the couple had never actually gone farther than 2nd base  
  
This is because the author thought it would not only be fun to sexually frustrate Snape but also add some form of emotional bullshit in to the story  
  
Snape had being working for many years as an undercover superhero, spy for the good guys type person  
  
Minus the sexy skin tight Lycra suit unfortunately  
  
So he felt that it would be bad (for lack of a better word) to sleep with Hermione, if something happened to him, he didn't want her to have to live with it, the idea that she had given her virginity to someone who was now dead, blah blah blah.  
  
As you can tell by the shitty was that was written the author doesn't really care for all the fluffiness, she's adding it out of obligation, and to make the story work out later on, a flaw which she hadn't picked up on til now.  
  
So they continued to keep the relationship PG-13, (such as that in Scream) until the day Voldermort, (lets all shiver involuntarily) was destroyed.  
  
Now because I'm a lazy fuck I cant be bother writing about how he died, lets just say he was having a blonde moment and walked off a cliff without noticing * heheheh*  
  
(lil_Pippen knows what I mean here)  
  
So that brings us back to where I started.  
  
The students walking the halls quickly got out of the way as they saw him running determinedly toward the transfiguration classrooms. Severus Snape wasn't a man to mess with at the best of times, and certainly not one to mess with when he was moving like that down the hall.  
  
He entered the room and grabbed the occupant by the waist, whirling her around to face him. "It's gone!!" He announced The women in his arms looked at him in surprise and confusion "What's gone?" She replied He pulled up the sleave of his robe to present a pale white and unblemished arm. Realisation dawned on the other professor's face; his dark mark no longer remained.  
  
She squealed gleefully and kissed him firmly on the lips. And a few other places *wink wink, nudge nudge*  
  
~o0o~  
  
OK I'm sorry!! I really do apologize for that piece of crap, but coffee and other things do these things to you, so yeh. Tell me what you think; in this instance all flames are welcome.  
  
Lottsa luv and stuff a very sugar high Green Smurf. 


End file.
